A moment to self is so rare in our lives. Yes. I am talking about oneself!
Today we have time for chatting and watching TV shows you name it we have time
- but to think about one self, we rarely have time. I too was tempted to use
time by in-flight entertainments. Then I decided to hold on; of course I was
tempted by my two friends that I always carry in my purse wonderful books every
time I read, I learn. But, some part of me was not ready and I am thankful now.
As I was saying, time for self, un interrupted and quite a few hours. I let me self listen to voices in the head... At first BLANK! Where should I start? I know myself right? Why this difficulty? Then I started hearing silent voices jumbled, tangled words, phrases, sentences and situations swirled around. Whoa! Take time ... practiced breathing… In and Hold … Out …slow.... a few times… good.... This made me realize that may be I really do not know who I am? What is important to me? My thoughts were rushing to what next steps, you know like: immigrations, who will receive etc… I stopped myself from reaching into my purse for those very details… I mean I know … but still right … very unsure and to reassure oneself… But now I do not want to think that… I want to think of myself!
A few attempts later, I tried to condition my thoughts to my future … What I want it to be. Okay, good place to start. I want to be light hearted, absorb the surroundings and let myself make mistakes! I do not want to be a know all ... I want to be a curious person more like child ... touch, feel and store the experiences. Learn to laugh and have fun. I want to be myself: without prejudices, expectations. Is it a tall order? Those thoughts made me try to understand myself - Oh Boy! Life literally ran past by me and I am a stranger to myself!!! I would or should have said my career, professional approach or whatever, those were very thoughts haunting me day and night. That is why... this moment is so rare ... excitement in my heart, mind and soul ... I am pledging myself to this new tomorrow ... It’s not that I want to be stupid and a dumb ass but I want to be ready to face the un expected, not to panic and especially not be what I do not want to be. It was not like I totally do not like myself ... there are certain aspects which I should and must experience. There is more much more to us than being a mom, wife, daughter-in-law, a daughter or a damn good professional. Beyond this there is something unique in each of us I want to find that in me. I want to see if I can allow myself to be that person and if I like that person. I want to dig for that diamond self in me ....
Who knows what this journey will bring? but one thing for sure by memories being pushed I way am open minded to seek myself out. How well I have insulated and protected myself to push away real me. I guess this is my new beginning. Time has come to meet myself - Hello! To self.
As I was saying, time for self, un interrupted and quite a few hours. I let me self listen to voices in the head... At first BLANK! Where should I start? I know myself right? Why this difficulty? Then I started hearing silent voices jumbled, tangled words, phrases, sentences and situations swirled around. Whoa! Take time ... practiced breathing… In and Hold … Out …slow.... a few times… good.... This made me realize that may be I really do not know who I am? What is important to me? My thoughts were rushing to what next steps, you know like: immigrations, who will receive etc… I stopped myself from reaching into my purse for those very details… I mean I know … but still right … very unsure and to reassure oneself… But now I do not want to think that… I want to think of myself!
A few attempts later, I tried to condition my thoughts to my future … What I want it to be. Okay, good place to start. I want to be light hearted, absorb the surroundings and let myself make mistakes! I do not want to be a know all ... I want to be a curious person more like child ... touch, feel and store the experiences. Learn to laugh and have fun. I want to be myself: without prejudices, expectations. Is it a tall order? Those thoughts made me try to understand myself - Oh Boy! Life literally ran past by me and I am a stranger to myself!!! I would or should have said my career, professional approach or whatever, those were very thoughts haunting me day and night. That is why... this moment is so rare ... excitement in my heart, mind and soul ... I am pledging myself to this new tomorrow ... It’s not that I want to be stupid and a dumb ass but I want to be ready to face the un expected, not to panic and especially not be what I do not want to be. It was not like I totally do not like myself ... there are certain aspects which I should and must experience. There is more much more to us than being a mom, wife, daughter-in-law, a daughter or a damn good professional. Beyond this there is something unique in each of us I want to find that in me. I want to see if I can allow myself to be that person and if I like that person. I want to dig for that diamond self in me ....
Who knows what this journey will bring? but one thing for sure by memories being pushed I way am open minded to seek myself out. How well I have insulated and protected myself to push away real me. I guess this is my new beginning. Time has come to meet myself - Hello! To self.
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